Gosh it's early in the morning!

here's some awesome art that i've found recently.








these pieces and artists among others, have inspired to get back in to it.
big loves!!!

def.

I'm sitting here dictating to computer, and there is not really a lot on my mind. Although, like most bloggers I feel the need to update my blog because I haven't added anything in a while.
So here goes.

Things in my life have been pretty stable lately, I guess. And who can complain when that happens, although stability has a tendency to often become boring. And this I suppose would pose a problem in the long run. There are many distractions for me to navigate around at this time in my life, and also some very big things that need my full attention. But the tendency is to lean towards focusing attention on these distractions, sometimes even with the encouragement of people I call friends. Just reading back over what I have written, it seemed little boring. So let's get onto the subject, which I described as the trade winds of your hearts sea, what I'm getting at here is at the moment I'm feeling a very strong pull in a good direction in my life, whereas before I had no direction and was floating about aimlessly sad, sorry, empty.

to find peace in the cold of a steel girder. touch my soul with an ice-cream i know

then one day you fall asleep reading a book about snow

where will the other people go?
nobody will know...

his hair stands on it's heads, upside-down to the grass on the ground
we all see these little miracles all the time in slow motion, but never really take the time to find them again

who is the man in the looking glasses? is he looking for himself? i know you know i don't know.

please help your own head from falling through the sky and onto the infinite love of the rest of everything that is not alive or here with us now. some strive to be alive, and most don't know why, some want to die, while others that wish not to are given another's gift. a mothers gift will eventually fade, though you will never know when or why. between the lies are truths to find, and will sometimes explode in a rush of hate or spite.

all for the rest of time, the arrow of time will not turn, but will bend at times of great stress, unless you are a quantum particle, and you can neither see or feel being shot with this great arrow, as rules and regulations for you are too far above your head to see. and maybe you can't even read... none, not one will now, but you.

for now i'm done, until another time we will...

having found something one day, and losing it the next. what am i supposed to do with it? i can't quantify this part of the universe, i can't hold it, or manipulate it...

why do i feel it come and go? i feel high when it's near me, and feel a loss when it's gone, the way i act when it's gone slowly burns a hole in my soul. until i find a way to wipe it clean leaving a charred mark on what was once a beautiful surface.

though i don't want to be with or without it. if i can't have it, i want to feel the loss tearing away at me inside. i am addicted to something i have no control over.

i'll chase it wherever i think i can smell it, like a dog to a paper plate once used to hold a steak.

sometimes i can plan to find it, to ambush and trap it, and without fail, just before it's time to make the greatest discovery of my emotional history, i'll stumble and graze my chin on a coarse flat rock, or fail to act completely, leaving it for someone else to keep, have, hold, and take for granted.

i have managed to trap some, though not the ones i set out to. not the ones i long and ache for. the ones i catch are not designed for me, but are perfect for someone else.

my face is sore, my eyelids are heavy, my upper back aches from constant tension and i'm finding self loathing a comforting thought.

why is there a need to escape ones self?

maybe this is why i alway lose what i almost find...





,def.

what is the ebb and flow?

from time to time i find myself at a peak of self interest. sometimes it feels as though the peak is one of a big breaking wave, and i'm about to fall for a while and be hurt.
i find today is one of those times. and i'm headed down the face of the wave, faster than the wave is breaking.
it's like the interactions with and expectations of others are pushing me further forward than i am comfortable traveling. kinda like when a country has higher inflation than optimum, then has to raise interest rates or try to reduce unemployment to counter this (thanks to economics 102 for that analogy). but the interest rate rise i feel is such a huge correction, that my inner stock market crashes. all the positive that has pushed me to feel so confident in myself is no longer valid. i have a gaping hole for validation.

this is not a new problem...

i'm tired


.def.